I've been blessed to have been born into a loving, stable, healthy family, and made many equally happy friends. I am thankfully able to confess having never had any serious thoughts of suicide, self-injury, or self-loathing. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for one of my friends.
I have a friend (who shall remain unnamed) who has been going through a rough past few months: her mom was recently diagnosed with a severe case of cancer, she has a part time job that has been taking time out of her studying so her grades have been dropping, her step-father is hardly ever home and when he is, its to ask to borrow her money, she is the youngest out of three siblings but has to be the responsible one because they both have mental disabilities, and her entire family will be moving out of state soon, so they have been busy packing. Although all of that is a recipe for disaster, she mainly deals with the stress by running everyday, so all things considered, I thought she was holding up quite well. Turns out I was wrong.
I have known her for about four years now and I never once suspected her of self-harm. She recently confessed to relapsing and showed me her cuts. Some were old scars, others oozed fresh blood in small droplets. She told me it was a way to release her frustration. That because she couldn't blame anyone else, she was angry at herself for being a failure. A failure who won't ever reach her goals of becoming a surgeon because her grades are too low. A failure for not being able to stay with her friends who are mad at her for moving. A failure for not being able to handle her own problems on her own.
The sight of the cuts came as a shock to me, although for some people I know they may not be so uncommon. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say or how to act, only a few days ago we'd spoken of how transferring schools would do her good by starting with a blank slate of grades. She didn't mind me asking questions after I found my voice and answered them openly, about her feelings, her reasons, even her "preferred tool."
There wasn't much I could do at the moment but since then I did some research and I've kept in contact with her despite not seeing her everyday. The least I can do is provide moral support and remind her that she is important, that she is loved, that she deserves to live and be happy.
(The only reason why I didn't immediately call a suicide or depression hotline or tell a doctor for her myself was because I found out the last time she had relapsed and been taken to a councilor, she had clamped up and refused to speak to any adults.)
In case you ever need to hear it:
- YOU are loved
- YOU make a difference
- YOU deserve to be happy
- I am proud of YOU for having survived any tough times
- I am proud of YOU for having survived this past year
- Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
- Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
- LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
- Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
- Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
- Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Please, please, please leave a comment if you have ever felt this way, or methods you have used that helped you recover. It really helps to talk it out (anonymous is fine) with friends.
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